A Mentor

Once i received this very famous 'how to influence people and win friends?'(do check the movie 'how to alienate people and loose friends?' by the way!) best-seller book from my uncle. Since then i have this really annoying, most times expensive habit of running and hiding behind the covers of self help books! Infact my so called tough luck is inversely proportional to the gains i provide to publishing industry! whenever something terrible happened i would buy another self help, kinda trying to reconnect with myself, trying to amend those very loose ends! ofcourse it didn't work but my newly found love for these turned into habit!
had a bad day? melt into those lines,
had a real bad day? find a new one by the author,
had the worst day? author changed!
what i have learned about vulnerable times is, they do leave regrets, just like the too much vodka shots down your throat do to your head!
so this one particular month i had in past , i skipped and trust me when i say this, went into rehab from my excessive relying on self help book habits!  instead i sat and tried to hear what my gut was telling me!
it unfortunately said 'you are in deep shit!', that was grotesque... really really uncanny at that...
for the first time i was not trying to tell myself, 'hey,its gonna be ok...' deep down without the so called self help books that drowned the voice of my head, i wasn't denying anything, not even fighting! i left myself to feel everything, i was too scared to feel before. Hurt, unlucky, alone....
i began to speak, (to be honest snap sometimes!) but the key to problem is never outside. To be honest a person, a place, a thing, a song, a book and  a line, they  can never inspire you! what would do is something that's inside....something i can't even name or define....but its there, inside each one of us, and we in certain intense moments in our life have felt it very hard.. so while not trying to fix the problem, i went to this 10 day solace trip to a small village in himachal. i had turned my house upside down to go there, so yeah i was determined to fix few things inside myself when i was outta there.
i behaved mostly. We (me and anonymous)  went to early morning stroll everday. Once out of the blue, this very friendly, wise and elder anonymous person asked if the only reason i was there with her being, i was too scared to embrace happiness that is coming my way... at first i laughed, denied and pretended i don't know what that means...but when you are walking in front of a philospher, instead of turning things against you, they could just give you what they wanted to, and leave you to sort out these strange notions...
what she said to me back then,  still continues is 'no one can really stop you, its the final deal '. I still don't know what exactly this means...she is very insightful, unlike any elder i have known so far. If ever i write a character based on her in any story i scribble , i would be too scared to write down, can't really capture her completely. What she taught me in those ten days, is not to look at life like its a war against the world, or for that matter against those principles that society wants you to adhere, just believe you have your own set, don't need to borrow from others! n yes don't be scared to be lost in the moment, the  happy moments you create bravely are truly the ones that help you get by the really sad ones...
so in spirit of zero regrets, i voice my side now, express my feelings (ok, i try) , getting rid of self-help book disorder(thank goodness!)
that's because of this lady who doesn't even want me to thank her!  but this post is for her,
thank you....
if you read this ever you should know i fear being so transparent to you, but you don't even judge me! its just like my friends!
n yes love you a lot, i am very bad at stating this....
to others who might be reading it and wondering 'what the hell?' so sorry to take your time!

free verse

don't expect me to follow,

i might not tread, 

the woods down the road are heavenly,

i might trade them off for solace...

i won't be gone for long,

but then if you decide to move over,

don't expect me back,

i might find a new journey...

the small nest where the bird hides,

the leaves where drop resides,

the shore where waves loose momentum,

the oceans where rivers fall....

all is meant to be,

i rather be a warrior,

of my very own battlefield ,

then to follow someone's light....

'Never knew you were the one'

They keep meeting, separating, until they realize!

5. When harry met sally:-  this one is classic trend setter, easy going guy harry meets sally. Though there is chemistry, it takes a lot of time for them to figure it out...

4. Four wedding and a funeral:- I am a Hugh grant fan, something about him is completely innocent...its about two people who keep bumping into each other  in different marriages, cheesy at times…

3. Love and other drugs :- what is it with guys falling for 'not into the commitment thing' girls…anyways, its not too late before the guy realizes, but is he ready to be with a sick girl ,who might not survive...movie is coool!

2. A lot like love:- one of my favorites of all time, I love the fact there is an apparent shift of wild side from guy to girl. Its funny and sexy!

1. One day:- two friends, journey that transcend common notions of love!

R L STEVENSON

Now when the number of my years
Is all fulfilled, and I
From sedentary life
Shall rouse me up to die,
Bury me low and let me lie
Under the wide and starry sky.
Joying to live, I joyed to die,
Bury me low and let me lie.

Clear was my soul, my deeds were free,
Honour was called my name,
I fell not back from fear
Nor followed after fame.
Bury me low and let me lie
Under the wide and starry sky.
Joying to live, I joyed to die,
Bury me low and let me lie.

Bury me low in valleys green
And where the milder breeze
Blows fresh along the stream,
Sings roundly in the trees -
Bury me low and let me lie
Under the wide and starry sky.
Joying to live, I joyed to die,
Bury me low and let me lie.

losing balance

Make  me  laugh,  hard  enough,

I  might  forget  our  moments  here,

Are  divided  into  darkness  as  well;

Tickle   me  down  the  memory  lane;

A  slight  touch,  a  soothing  smile,

I  want  to  overlook  this  dangerous  curve.

Sometimes  when  I  fall,

Be  a  witness  of  my  agony,

&  I  shall  forget  the  pain.

'eternity'  they  say  its  a  deception  ,

But  I  wanna  be  deceived,  anyways!

I  have  grown  past  the  fear  of  losing  balance…..  

A toast to bhelpuri wala

           
I have known this bhel puri wala for almost a year now. In fact my addiction to his bhel puri was so obvious, my friends teased me, i might end up marrying him someday! Sure enough, in spirit of good taste,i never felt teased(much to the disappointment ). He has been a smiling spectator , observer of my life. When my 'place' changed, he was at my gate again, completely aware of the changes , the absence of my skinny friend. we gossiping, munching while trying to balance on the 10mm brick line, trudging towards college. There was no desire or santro,my black scooty took the lead.Even the absence of uniform couldnt pass his eyes without notice. Our silent friendship wasnt one sided. He has seen me staring at the cheap cop with aversion, who plundered bribe outta him. I know his family is far. Sometimes i would reach him alone , and he would smile, neither sympathetic nor gloating ,mostly assuring,'its gonna be ok!'
few days back he turned into a speaking friend. In excessive anger, after the symposium blasted off, even in cough n cold i went 4 bhelpuri....Out of the blue, he denied outrightly....i stormed off in rage!
today i decided to apologize , before i could utter anything he had 'see i told you, it was suppose to be ok' smile pasted,as if he read me. strange how people can bond ......how connections with smile can reach out!

MY FAIR LADY!

As far as I knew white women were never lonely, except in books. White men adored them, Black men desired them and Black women worked for them.
Maya angelou
In a recent interview, Frieda pinto demeaned the conventions of Indian society, always finding the light complexioned beautiful. We call the britishers racist, then what the hell is 'fair and lovely'?All the multi million dollar  cosmetic units reaping like a parasite, vociferously campaigning  white is beautiful!
if it is so,why in the first place britishers were chucked out? they must have elevated 'the white quotient'of this otherwise close to soil,dusky country! Not only are we prejudiced, we can't acknowledge the fact we are dusky, not the natural white (leaving hybrids like katrina aside! no offense)
what is wrong with blacks or dusky? i find myself crushing on black guys! will smith is so gorgeous! its dusky,beautiful and glowing! 'black n sexy!'
dont follow standards of beauty, coz with that half of the women would turn anorexic ....(curves are so in by the way!) plus they keep on changing....
In a recent survey scientists discovered, in recent years heart problems in thin women were more consistent compared to their obese counterparts. screw conventions!

love yourself for what you are, view yourself because you are more then the reflection in the mirror!