A Mentor

Once i received this very famous 'how to influence people and win friends?'(do check the movie 'how to alienate people and loose friends?' by the way!) best-seller book from my uncle. Since then i have this really annoying, most times expensive habit of running and hiding behind the covers of self help books! Infact my so called tough luck is inversely proportional to the gains i provide to publishing industry! whenever something terrible happened i would buy another self help, kinda trying to reconnect with myself, trying to amend those very loose ends! ofcourse it didn't work but my newly found love for these turned into habit!
had a bad day? melt into those lines,
had a real bad day? find a new one by the author,
had the worst day? author changed!
what i have learned about vulnerable times is, they do leave regrets, just like the too much vodka shots down your throat do to your head!
so this one particular month i had in past , i skipped and trust me when i say this, went into rehab from my excessive relying on self help book habits!  instead i sat and tried to hear what my gut was telling me!
it unfortunately said 'you are in deep shit!', that was grotesque... really really uncanny at that...
for the first time i was not trying to tell myself, 'hey,its gonna be ok...' deep down without the so called self help books that drowned the voice of my head, i wasn't denying anything, not even fighting! i left myself to feel everything, i was too scared to feel before. Hurt, unlucky, alone....
i began to speak, (to be honest snap sometimes!) but the key to problem is never outside. To be honest a person, a place, a thing, a song, a book and  a line, they  can never inspire you! what would do is something that's inside....something i can't even name or define....but its there, inside each one of us, and we in certain intense moments in our life have felt it very hard.. so while not trying to fix the problem, i went to this 10 day solace trip to a small village in himachal. i had turned my house upside down to go there, so yeah i was determined to fix few things inside myself when i was outta there.
i behaved mostly. We (me and anonymous)  went to early morning stroll everday. Once out of the blue, this very friendly, wise and elder anonymous person asked if the only reason i was there with her being, i was too scared to embrace happiness that is coming my way... at first i laughed, denied and pretended i don't know what that means...but when you are walking in front of a philospher, instead of turning things against you, they could just give you what they wanted to, and leave you to sort out these strange notions...
what she said to me back then,  still continues is 'no one can really stop you, its the final deal '. I still don't know what exactly this means...she is very insightful, unlike any elder i have known so far. If ever i write a character based on her in any story i scribble , i would be too scared to write down, can't really capture her completely. What she taught me in those ten days, is not to look at life like its a war against the world, or for that matter against those principles that society wants you to adhere, just believe you have your own set, don't need to borrow from others! n yes don't be scared to be lost in the moment, the  happy moments you create bravely are truly the ones that help you get by the really sad ones...
so in spirit of zero regrets, i voice my side now, express my feelings (ok, i try) , getting rid of self-help book disorder(thank goodness!)
that's because of this lady who doesn't even want me to thank her!  but this post is for her,
thank you....
if you read this ever you should know i fear being so transparent to you, but you don't even judge me! its just like my friends!
n yes love you a lot, i am very bad at stating this....
to others who might be reading it and wondering 'what the hell?' so sorry to take your time!